F.A.I.L.

Just when I think I have this whole "mommy thing" figured out, one of my sweet darlings sends a jab my way. While going over Maddie's AWANA lesson, Sammy walks in and asks, "Mommy, do you wish you would have only had one child?" After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I immediately answered "of course not! I am so thankful for both of you. Why would you think that?" He replied, "well, sometimes I think you can't handle a lot of us." After this second blow, he quickly moved on to jumping on Maddie's bed so I decided to let the comment go - but, for anyone who truly knows me and my heart, I don't let these comments go. My #2 strength on the 5.0 Strength Finders assessment (after "Woo") is "Harmony" - so I naturally want to "fix" things - whether they are arguments or hurt feelings or misunderstandings. I don't like to let things go unresolved - thus, the harmony part of me. This was not over...

So, while tucking Sammy in to bed I figured it was time to approach the issue. (Maybe I wasn't ready to hear what he had to say, but I couldn't go on wondering what thoughts were running around in my son's head regarding his mommy). I told him that his comment upset me because I wanted him to know how much I cared for them both. He got very quiet, a little teary-eyed, and said, "Mommy, you tell me to 'hold on' a lot." [To catch you up, they just got home from their grandparents and both kids were going a mile a minute and trying to fill me in on their evening - all while I'm trying to talk with my mom and get their things in order - so yes, they heard "hold on" a lot from me this evening...]

Ok moms, we've all used this phrase before...
"Mom!" (hold on) "Mommy, I want..." (hold on) "Mom, can I have..." (hold on) "Mom, mom, mom, mom, ma, ma, mother, ma, mom" (what?!) "Hi" 
[sorry, couldn't resist using this "Family Guy" reference (and for the record I hate this show with a passion)]. 

Anyway, my point is, I spend so much time doing so many other things to try and be super mom and all the while a simple phrase like "hold on" makes my child think he's not wanted. Now, I will say that if I stopped and acknowledged my children EVERY time they said "mommy" I wouldn't be able to take two steps or carry on a two-word conversation. But I'm going to try harder at being more patient (this is a virtue I know I do NOT possess). 

I'm glad that Sammy can be honest with me. And I'm glad for forgiveness and daily mercy...from both my family and my Lord and Savior. Without these things I would already be a failure. I'm also glad that the Holy Spirit uses my sweet little boy to slap me upside the head every now and then. I'm definitely looking deeper at myself tonight - they're so worth every bit of effort I can put forth. That's all. Thought I'd share...